pink elephant

The Anti-Enrique

A quick recommendation for Jorge Drexler's new cd, Eco. He is the boy who did the theme from Motorcycle Diaries. It's beautiful. Pass the sangria.

Simone launches pole dancing franchise

From the Simone Report:

A few months back after a party at Jane Fonda’s in Atlanta, Simone LaCharles and Liza got to talking in the limo on the way back to the Ritz. Liza talked about all of the things that Jane has done with her life, including her workout videos, and suddenly Simone screamed, “I have it Liza, I have it!” Liza, shaken, and spilling her cosmo on her Milano Blahniks, said, “What Simone?” Simone yelled, “Jane Fonda got women across the country working out. You and I are going to get them all pole dancing.” Liza shrieked, “Simone, you are brilliant.”

Here’s the abstract. The studios are called, “Erotica”, and the first one is opening in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. The target market is suburban housewives who have a need to put a little “oomph” into their sex lives with their husbands. Secondary markets will include desperate 40 year-old unmarried women typically found on the bar stools of Holiday Inns across the country. David Boyer, a dear friend of Simone’s, thinks that yet a third market may be drag queens. Edie Falco is under contract for a series of prime time television commercials to be conceived, produced, and directed by avant-garde business film producer Stewart Clifford.

Jim Cullion is designing the poles. Jim believes that the poles should fold up like umbrellas so that they can be carried in a purse. Jim stated, “If a woman is out on a date and she decides to go over to a man’s house at the end of the evening, she can get his juices going by pulling out and expanding her Ralph Lauren dancing pole, securing it via the floor and ceiling in the man’s bedroom, and doing an exotic pole dance choreographed by Simone and Liza.

Wayne Williams will be the fashion consultant for the project. In a meeting with Simone about Erotica, Wayne said, “I think that we should create a whole line of pasties and sell them at Neiman’s.”



OH, IT NEVERS ENDS!



SIMONE, SIMONE, SIMONE.



WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE WITHOUT HER!

Move On Dot Org

I got my favorite email ever from Move On this week. After signing their petition to oust Tom Delay, an automatic email was generated with a subject line that read: "Thank you for asking Congress to fire Tom Delay". That made me so incredibly happy.

On another note, is it time to unsubscribe from John Kerry.com and subscribe to FriendsofHillary.com?????

Pope Simone?

This just in from our special correspondent:

Simone LaCharles is on her way to Rome today for a secret meeting with Philippe Xavier Ignace Cardinal Barbarin to discuss becoming the first female pope of the Roman Catholic Church.

Simone, exhausted from her work as the story editor of Nip/Tuck says, "If they need me, I will go. I have led before (editor’s note - Afghanistan) and I will lead again!"

'Loosen up your girdle'

... says design star Jonathan Adler in today's SundayStyles section in the Times. During the "Road-tripping with Jonathan Alder and Simon Doonan" article, the 21st Century's premier couple of kitsch make several funny and adroit observations; it's must reading. If you haven't read it yet, put down that Il Papa special section and read this instead.

Other Adlerisms:

totes: short for "totally"
gorge: gorgeous
demitasker: description of Simon who can barely handle one task at a time, let alone be a multitasker.

Bitch Stole My Man!

A few weeks back, Moneka and I were having drinks and dinner at Medjool, the newish fabulous cafe/restaurant/hostel. Total girl place. SF needs more of those. We were sampling the prawns with tomato jam and sipping a nice Spanish blend when she asks me if I have heard from my ex, Joe, in a while. I explained that we don't talk often (his choice) and never more than pleasantries. He's dating Ron Albucher she explained. Dumbstruck moment. Moment passes. Next moment: Indignation about learning this from Moneka over North African tapas follwed by the realization that I couldn't think of a better way to find out.

Since then I mentioned to Ron that I know and he seemed relieved that this was out on the table. This explains why he behaved so oddly when I first approached him a few weeks back and offered to show him around town. I feel like I am supposed to have some kind of reaction like in the title of this post, but,in fact, I have had zero reaction. This may be the ultimate test of having truly moved on. I suppose I should wish them well to demonstrate how "healthy" I am but I'm honestly not really feeling that much either. I do "get" them as a couple - they have some interesting stuff in common.

Surely Simone has an opinion about this turn of events.

Trannie talk

So, like, the other day while walking home from the train, Chris and I passed a tall, slim woman waiting on the corner a block from our place. A trannie, obviously. And at that moment—for some odd reason—I thought: Sure, Alan, Justin, Dave, Paul, Moneka, Greg, they all live in Gayland where trannies abound, but we, we have them right on the block, everyday life, waiting for a bus.

So then, last night, after watching "Deadwood" on HBO, I didn't turn the TV off right away while reading something, and what came on next but some porn doco. Well, it is HBO, but some of the stuff on that show, I just didn't need to see. But what did pop up (pun intended) before I turned it off, was a trannie, in full bloom. That is, she was at some tackie convention hall show with lots of people around, and she was standing their, svelte, beautiful, young, brunette, naked, with nice breasts, and her skinny, longish dick wavin in the wind. Now, what was that? Trannie freak show? The trannie had to show her stuff like she's some oddity?

Well, America, don't fear the trannie.

And, at that moment we knew: Boyer must know her!

And Chris summed it up: "Boyer is a trannie hag."