woodpecker or bitter old queen? you decide.

woodpecker.pdf

confessions of a queer thief

The hetero-normative ownership paradigm is a tyrant belief system that deserves to be undermined on every front, from political protest to petty thievery.

from Lockpick Pornography, an online novella, by Joey Comeau

Linked

uh, someone has linked to us. Kinda odd for such a personalized, narrowly focused, but, yes, it has to be said, fabulous, site as ours.

But anyway, seems like a fun site: go here

Booms Booms With A San Francisco Flare!

Joseph and Chris - you MUST join us - Joseph see if you can use the Tribune's AirStream Jetty Jet for the week-end?

See the little movie link below!!


FINAL%20KABOOM%20TIMELINE_v2.mov



* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *

what?

Trannie sighting III

Oh, my kingdom for a camera.

I know the West Coast boys are probably sooo tired of reading of trannier-than-thou postings from mere Chicagoans, but this was really a great one.

Walking home from the L, along Belmont and all the vintage/shoe/takeout places there, I spied in one of the too-many shoe shops a man, a big man. He was tall, about 6-foot-something, and 270 pounds or so. He had a huge belly, large and rounded, like he was 18 months pregnant ... with triplets. Over this proud, upstanding belly was stretched, nearly to the point of splitting, a white undershirt. His face was plump and rotund. He was the type of guy you'd expect to see drunk, starting fights at a dive bar way out in the sticks, except for the very very short flouncy tight white skirt printed with huge, bright red flowers and the perfect white/blond wig that curled at a-just-under-his-chin length.

I wish I remembered the shoes.

I wonder, what was he doing there ...

Why are David and Paul suddenly interested in the 49-ers?

@ 20 Alex not only got the ettention of the media- he got the attention of the 872 fridge! . . . . . .hmmm 20+49(ers) = ?

what I do for a living

so, like, tonight after work there was a tasting, the Wine Spectator Grand Tour, about 210 wines. There was the 1996 Dom. There was Taittinger. There were several Bordeaux chateaus, lots of barolo, etc. So, midway through, the other two guys I went to the event with tracked me down and said I had to try this wine. So, we went back to that table. It was Gunderloch, a German maker; it was their dessert riesling, a riesling trockenbeerenauslese. One of the guys I was with is a sommelier with an amazing palate. He was wetting his pants, the wine was so good. So, we tried it. But first, I needed a rinse. I had been drinking several reds, so my glass was pretty coated. So, what you do is ask for a rinse, which is just a little pour of the next wine you're going to taste. You swirl it around in your glass to clean out the previous wine(s) and you dump it. So, the nice, tall, lean, attractive, blond Germanic woman poured us each a rinse saying: "Fritz would kill me if he knew I was doing this." That will become clear in a second, but as soon as she said that, I was worried. But, onward. She poured us our tasting, and we tried it. It was fantastic. Easily one of the best wines there, if not the best. If you are a person who thinks he doesn't like dessert wines nor rieslings and definitely not dessert rieslings, you'd still have to try this wine first. It was fantastic. Now, the wine retails for $375 a bottle. That's a 375 ml bottle (or a half bottle). Only 400 bottles of this 2002 were made (it is a wine that is not made every year; only made when the conditions are right). 24 of them were given by the vintner to the Grand Tour (which is a 3-city tour, none San Fran; sorry). Sam's Wines, the largest wine shop in the nation and a Chicago institution, maybe has 2 or 3 bottles, according to our pourer. So, here's the point: Basically, I swirled and then dumped a $10 rinse.

That is not right.

Cheers, sweeties.

pink elephant

The Anti-Enrique

A quick recommendation for Jorge Drexler's new cd, Eco. He is the boy who did the theme from Motorcycle Diaries. It's beautiful. Pass the sangria.

Simone launches pole dancing franchise

From the Simone Report:

A few months back after a party at Jane Fonda’s in Atlanta, Simone LaCharles and Liza got to talking in the limo on the way back to the Ritz. Liza talked about all of the things that Jane has done with her life, including her workout videos, and suddenly Simone screamed, “I have it Liza, I have it!” Liza, shaken, and spilling her cosmo on her Milano Blahniks, said, “What Simone?” Simone yelled, “Jane Fonda got women across the country working out. You and I are going to get them all pole dancing.” Liza shrieked, “Simone, you are brilliant.”

Here’s the abstract. The studios are called, “Erotica”, and the first one is opening in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. The target market is suburban housewives who have a need to put a little “oomph” into their sex lives with their husbands. Secondary markets will include desperate 40 year-old unmarried women typically found on the bar stools of Holiday Inns across the country. David Boyer, a dear friend of Simone’s, thinks that yet a third market may be drag queens. Edie Falco is under contract for a series of prime time television commercials to be conceived, produced, and directed by avant-garde business film producer Stewart Clifford.

Jim Cullion is designing the poles. Jim believes that the poles should fold up like umbrellas so that they can be carried in a purse. Jim stated, “If a woman is out on a date and she decides to go over to a man’s house at the end of the evening, she can get his juices going by pulling out and expanding her Ralph Lauren dancing pole, securing it via the floor and ceiling in the man’s bedroom, and doing an exotic pole dance choreographed by Simone and Liza.

Wayne Williams will be the fashion consultant for the project. In a meeting with Simone about Erotica, Wayne said, “I think that we should create a whole line of pasties and sell them at Neiman’s.”



OH, IT NEVERS ENDS!



SIMONE, SIMONE, SIMONE.



WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE WITHOUT HER!

Move On Dot Org

I got my favorite email ever from Move On this week. After signing their petition to oust Tom Delay, an automatic email was generated with a subject line that read: "Thank you for asking Congress to fire Tom Delay". That made me so incredibly happy.

On another note, is it time to unsubscribe from John Kerry.com and subscribe to FriendsofHillary.com?????

Pope Simone?

This just in from our special correspondent:

Simone LaCharles is on her way to Rome today for a secret meeting with Philippe Xavier Ignace Cardinal Barbarin to discuss becoming the first female pope of the Roman Catholic Church.

Simone, exhausted from her work as the story editor of Nip/Tuck says, "If they need me, I will go. I have led before (editor’s note - Afghanistan) and I will lead again!"

'Loosen up your girdle'

... says design star Jonathan Adler in today's SundayStyles section in the Times. During the "Road-tripping with Jonathan Alder and Simon Doonan" article, the 21st Century's premier couple of kitsch make several funny and adroit observations; it's must reading. If you haven't read it yet, put down that Il Papa special section and read this instead.

Other Adlerisms:

totes: short for "totally"
gorge: gorgeous
demitasker: description of Simon who can barely handle one task at a time, let alone be a multitasker.

Bitch Stole My Man!

A few weeks back, Moneka and I were having drinks and dinner at Medjool, the newish fabulous cafe/restaurant/hostel. Total girl place. SF needs more of those. We were sampling the prawns with tomato jam and sipping a nice Spanish blend when she asks me if I have heard from my ex, Joe, in a while. I explained that we don't talk often (his choice) and never more than pleasantries. He's dating Ron Albucher she explained. Dumbstruck moment. Moment passes. Next moment: Indignation about learning this from Moneka over North African tapas follwed by the realization that I couldn't think of a better way to find out.

Since then I mentioned to Ron that I know and he seemed relieved that this was out on the table. This explains why he behaved so oddly when I first approached him a few weeks back and offered to show him around town. I feel like I am supposed to have some kind of reaction like in the title of this post, but,in fact, I have had zero reaction. This may be the ultimate test of having truly moved on. I suppose I should wish them well to demonstrate how "healthy" I am but I'm honestly not really feeling that much either. I do "get" them as a couple - they have some interesting stuff in common.

Surely Simone has an opinion about this turn of events.

Trannie talk

So, like, the other day while walking home from the train, Chris and I passed a tall, slim woman waiting on the corner a block from our place. A trannie, obviously. And at that moment—for some odd reason—I thought: Sure, Alan, Justin, Dave, Paul, Moneka, Greg, they all live in Gayland where trannies abound, but we, we have them right on the block, everyday life, waiting for a bus.

So then, last night, after watching "Deadwood" on HBO, I didn't turn the TV off right away while reading something, and what came on next but some porn doco. Well, it is HBO, but some of the stuff on that show, I just didn't need to see. But what did pop up (pun intended) before I turned it off, was a trannie, in full bloom. That is, she was at some tackie convention hall show with lots of people around, and she was standing their, svelte, beautiful, young, brunette, naked, with nice breasts, and her skinny, longish dick wavin in the wind. Now, what was that? Trannie freak show? The trannie had to show her stuff like she's some oddity?

Well, America, don't fear the trannie.

And, at that moment we knew: Boyer must know her!

And Chris summed it up: "Boyer is a trannie hag."

Vanity Fair

Great idea Joe!

1. One thing on your nightstand: A copy of Ian McEwan’s Atonement. One of those books I gave up on but feel entirely too guilty to file because people I respect love it so much.

2. One thing on a wall in your living room: Iron Chinese symbols for “strength” and “dream”.

3. One thing you have in your house from your childhood: Black and white photo of all my brothers holding christmas stockings in front of the fireplace.

4. Three condiments we would find in your refrigerator: dijon, black olive tapenade, black bean dip (do those qualify?)


5. Three things we would find in your medicine cabinet: Sample size shampoos that work better for the gym, six month supply of contact lenses, unopened toothbrushes for (un)expected sleepover guests.

6. Do your dirty dishes go in the sink or dish-washer? In the sink. I’ve developed a somewhat alarming habit of leaving them there too.

7. Color of your living room sofa? Electric blue. It’s a color I spotted on a Japanese design website for my Lignet Roset Togo and immediately had to have. My ex-boyfriend, John nicknamed the sofa “Big Blue”.

8. Maker of your everyday dinnerware? Crate and Barrel circa 1998 or so.

9. Maker of your fine china? Like Joe said.

10. What is the biggest collection in your house? A box of Legion of Super Heroes comic books that I have not been able to part with.

11. What reading material would we find in your bathroom? The latest issue of Cargo magazine. Love the gear, the clothes and the tips. Don’t own any of it, but it sure is fun to look at. Dwell. Last Sunday’s New York Times Magazine.

Interview of Joe (by Joe)

So, ya know that Q&A in the back of Vanity Fair in which they ask some celebrity of the moment a bunch of questions? It's called something like the "Proustian Questionnaire." Rather too grand, really, but ya can't help reading it. Well, a certain Midwestern newspaper's H&G section does something similiar. Since I've always wanted to be a celebrity but never will, I'd rather just answer the questions myself. Then, I thought, what if we all do? It could be fun! Questions taken from said paper; I think VF's are better. Maybe those later, but for now, here is me:

1. One thing on your nightstand: A faux stone grotesquerie given to me by my hubbie to ward off creatures of the night. And also a glowing, bean-shaped, color-changing light that needs recharged.

2. One thing on a wall in your living room: Vintage poster of buxom Italian lass in an olive orchard, pouring fresh olive oil from a glass ewer into a huge bowl of fresh tomato salad. We call her Marcella. She is the patron saint of the kitchen (most y'all know this).

3. One thing you have in your house from your childhood: A black and white photo of my siblings and me sitting on a bench at the Rome zoo. We're all wide-eyed. I'm holding a lion cub.

4. Three condiments we would find in your refrigerator: Mostardo with pears, vincotto (in both fig and orange flavors) and hot pepper jelly with lime and cilantro.

5. Three things we would find in your medicine cabinet: No dolls, unfortunately. Just things like Emergency Eye Repair Lotion and a caffeine-spiked facial cream.

6. Do your dirty dishes go in the sink or dish-washer? Both. Then the Mister restacks the dish-washer coz I don't do it right.

7. Color of your living room sofa? Canvas-ish, except for the many coffee, wine and chocolate stains; some of them caused by Bumbles, others by me.

8. Maker of your everyday dinnerware? Almost Round, which is even less round now, after a few years of chips and dings.

9. Maker of your fine china? Get real. This is a custom of the very rich and is sadly aped by the middle class with pretensions.

10. What is the biggest collection in your home? Pottery, early 20th century.

11. What reading material would we find in your bathroom? None, really, unless you count the three classic Calvin & Hobbes strips mounted at eye-level for those who pee standing up.

Anyone else? Gregorio?

just stop

David, I did no such thing. You just stop.



also, too, in addition: I think that blogger went blogout and ate Greg's post.

Greg, can you repost?

(artwork from outerborrows.com)

Greg?

Where did your post go? I sewar you had one on there aboutthe art opening we went ot.. now it is gone! vanished! is joseph doing his witchy editing thing?